FEATURE STORY:
MIDWIFE FOR THE SOUL
Unbiased post-abortion healing support
B y T e r r a W i s e

VISION MAGAZINE 27 JUNE 2004

"Compassion is not religious business, it is human business; it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability: it is essential for human survival." - The Dalai Lama

One of the most emotionally charged and difficult topics to discuss, let alone experience is abortion. By approaching this subject in an honest and frank way a much- needed voice is given to a topic that has been cloaked in secrecy, stigma and shame for far too long. This is not an attempt to address the issue from a political, religious, medical, or activist point of view, but rather to convey a heartfelt awareness of the complexity and tender aspect of an abortion experience.

Even though my practice involves many forms of expression and women from all backgrounds and experiences, throughout the last two decades of my work with women it was impossible not to notice that only a very small minority had never had an abortion. These women felt great relief in knowing that they had the option to choose a medically clean and safe procedure and the legal right to do so, and yet most struggled with a complex set of feelings afterward. Their unique life stories did not fit any external rigid structure or set of rules of how they ought to respond.

As a result of this awareness an important development in my work with individuals and groups has emerged. I find myself illuminating what has been neglected and hidden in the dark for far too long. I have been guiding the repressed and disowned secret - the abortion secret - up from the isolating underworld and out into the open so that it may be afforded the same compassionate healing integration as any other emotional difficulty in society. By providing a safe and unbiased environment that supports unconditionally, women can comfortably address their pre and post-abortion concerns without fear or hesitation.

In many cities today, community clin- ics and doctors provide legal, safe, and accessible surgical and medical abortions. They offer an important and much needed service, and they do the best they can for the women who come through their doors. But some questions arise that are worthy of consideration: What happens to a woman after she has had her abortion and leaves the clinic? Where does she go for comfort, counseling, and emotional sharing? What happens in the days, months, years, and decades afterward? Who helps her explore the overlapping emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual, relational concerns? Who does she confide in, cry with, create healing ritual with, tell her story to? How does she honor and integrate such a powerful threshold, a life transition?

The distress a woman may experi- ence can begin to emerge from the moment the test says positive, through the abortion itself, and may continue to be a factor for quite a long time after- ward, even years and decades after. Abortion is a complex experience and can not be rigidly forced into tight compartments to fit only one belief system. Additionally the circumstances surrounding an abortion play a significant role in the nature of the stresses experienced. Many questions need to be considered uniquely for each woman and each abortion a woman may have. For example, how the pregnancy came to be in the first place, was sex even consensual, her family situation, personal relationships, state of health; these concerns and more all influence an abortion experience and recovery.

Post-abortion concerns can be as different as each woman is, and each abortion the woman has had will often be described and experienced quite distinctly. Yet there are also similarities, a kind of collective shared experience, emotional and lifestyle responses that many women speak of equally. These common threads emerge no matter the apparent differences between the women. Feelings of isolation, grief, anger, guilt, shame, self-esteem issues, experiencing the ache of lamenting a loss, the loss of a potential, all of these and more are possible. Worries and fears that might be felt can include: the fear of a punishing God, the fear of rejection by friends and family, the fear of not being able to get pregnant in the future when desired, fearing sex and getting pregnant again, the fear of loosing life's direction and grounding, the fear list goes on and on for some women. Complicated and challenging feelings are a normal human reaction to any loss, even when the loss came to be as a result of a free-will decision. Grief, confusion and the desire to talk and work through feelings connected to loss and transition are a natural response to any distressing experience, especially one as complex as abortion.

I recognize from my experiences over the years with many different women that an abortion is indeed a significant part of the women's blood mysteries, although often overlooked and even negated. This neglect is perhaps due to societal pressures, cultural stigma and discomfort. An abortion is clearly a profound life-threshold, a powerful aspect of a woman's somatic and psycho-spiritual experience. Life transitions and women's mysteries are not only about puberty, sexual relating, marriage, childbirth, hysterectomies, divorce, and menopause, but also must include abortion as well.

Along with the abortion concerns there are of course other types of challenging life-thresholds, many related to the womb, or the womb area, including the second chakra, and interconnected energy centers. The womb, in certain ways, is an alchemical vessel containing the potential for physical and spiritual suffering and joy. The womb can act as a key for personal transformation and depth of insight. Experiences of all kinds, including the painfullosses involved in miscarriage, stillbirth, and for some women menopause, seem to arouse and awaken the latent and potent power of the womb.

Your neighbor is your other self dwelling behind a wall.
In understanding all walls shall fall down. - Kahlil Gibran

Japanese Buddhist culture, unlike our own, does allow for mothers and fathers to openly grieve aborted fetuses. Rituals for grieving abortion (and miscarriage too) are understood and culturally accepted as a humane necessity, and are a powerful form of healing support. At times an abortion is thought to be the right choice for a couple, whatever their reasons, and yet is still compassionately understood to be a difficult one. There is a Japanese saying, "Let the past drift away with the water." The Japanese Buddhist water pouring ritual facilitatesthe open expression and healing of grief. The ritual is an act of kindness and protection for the aborted ones, and also for the parents to bring peace of mind and heart, to ease their lamenting. There are special temple grounds and prayers intended for this work. Small statues representing the deceased babies, the Jizo, or the Buddha are attended to with prayers, incense, bells, and small articles of clothing, sometimes name plates may dress the statues as well. Water is poured with intent over the statues as a symbol of ritual cleansing, respect, and protection for the unborn. The bodhisattva Mizuko Jizo, known as 'Womb of the Earth' and the guardian of the unborn, is invoked. This ritual is a way to bring peace to both the parents and the fetuses, letting the past drift away with the water.

Another Buddhist perspective that may provide some spiritual/emotional relief when reflecting on your life-path and choice is to hold this simple teaching gently in your heart: when conditions are sufficient things manifest, when conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw and wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again. So perhaps this perspective will be helpful for you or someone you know who has been through an abortion. You knew that the time was not right to continue your pregnancy, for all the many reasons that you alone are personally and fully aware. You could not offer a loving reception to an unwanted child, you could not guarantee their safety, or health, or provide a nurturing life for either of you. It is in that spirit of loving, even maternal compassion, that your difficult decision was made.

"And the day came when the risk to remain a bud was more
painful than the risk it took to blossom" - Anais Nin

Women who choose to terminate a pregnancy vary greatly in age, race, marital status, religion, and socio-economic backgrounds and they have many unique personal and transpersonal reasons why. Really, the same is true for all life decisions. To reflect on these possible motives with an expanded heart is an act of compassion that deepens the inquiry of this heated and polarized topic. The antagonistic tension of opposites has to crumble and give way to a fuller spectrum of thought when exploring the concept that each person must walk their own individual and special soul path. To ignore the reality that each person has their own unique and sacred connection to Source and their own journey to live, would seem to be neglecting the obvious. Powerful influences like those of soul contracts, karmic agreements, ancestral thought forms, cross-cultural beliefs, reincarnation cycles, and many other factors will naturally have some influence on every decision to terminate a pregnancy, even when below the conscious mind.

Shadow and light, and the death and rebirth teachings can become activated through these powerful experiences of distress and descent into darkness, resulting in an initiatory experience of maturation through hardship. In many ways the difficult experienceof the 'dark night' of the soul is much like the terrain of acompost dump. Over time, with patience and some gentle practices, something stirs deep inside of oneself becomes transformed and develops into rich fertile land, ripe with the potential for profound personal growth.

What follows next is a natural unfolding of passion, creativity, and soul purpose, further cultivated with conscious awareness. The internal seeds of healing potential, of self-fulfillment manifest through these new and personally unique forms of gestation and birthing process. Then the nourishing soul medicine of being filled-up with the one's own essential nature becomes more fully and beautifully realized.

Terra Wise is a California State-certified sexual assault crisis counselor, clinical hypnotherapist, instructor of yoga, qigong and women's self-defense, and a nondenominational, interfaith minister. Terra is also the creator of a set of healing CDs and book that include compassionate dialogues and specific practices that provide healing from post-abortion distress. Through workshops, introductory dialogues, and private session, women are given the opportunity to share their long held secrets within a gentle and supportive atmosphere.

For information about ongoing classes go to www.terrawise.net or call 415/987-3920. Terra Wise will also be presenting at the 16th International Transpersonal Conference, June 15th. Go to www.itaconferences.org for more information.

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