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SPIRIT

The Third Trimester
by Danger Angel

Carl Jung once said "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." I picked up a copy of People magazine in the doctor's office and the table of contents page had a picture of a well known wealthy supermodel with the quote " 'She's brokenhearted,' a family confident says of scandal-plagued Paris Hilton, "she's even wearing a black wig when she goes out.'" On the same page was a picture of another blond girl - this one was missing an arm. Her caption read " 'I'm not sad or mad,' says surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm to a shark. "But I thought I'd be back in the water by now.'" Hmmm..?que es mas macho? Paris or Bethany? My mother saw an article in Town and Country Magazine about how wealthy pregnant women are inducing their babies at 8 months to avoid the terrible discomfort of the last month of pregnancy. Que es mas macho? I'm not saying that rich ladies (or Paris Hilton specifically) could never be macho, but avoiding suffering is futile at best.

At the beginning of my 3rd trimester (autumn equinox) I spent a weekend assisting the Buddhist Bicycle Pilgrimage www.dharmawheels.org . Last year I was the road manager, so I agreed to help again this year despite my belly. It was that weekend that I started to feel the discomfort that would keep me company for the next three months. The number of little pains in pregnancy is legion - but back pain was my nemesis - I could only sit or stand for an hour or so before I would have to lie down. I could feel my uterus pushing against my ribs and internal organs that resulted in a tearing sensation under my ribs. I could feel the lack of space acutely.

Heartburn came from putting anything in my mouth - including water. I decided to start eating spicy pizza because if I was going to get heartburn, I might as well deserve it. I carried the hippie version of Tums with me everywhere and ate them like candy. And because my stomach was so squashed, I had to eat every 2 hours. I told my mother "It's a delicate balance between starvation and heartburn." She laughed and nodded.

As my abdomen expanded, the skin itched as it stretched. I had to grease it up several times a day with a concoction a friend made me called "Che Butter" which I credit for keeping me stretch mark free. (To order email apothekerri@yahoo.com). I felt huge and unwieldy. To roll over in bed I had to wake up and use both hands to pull myself over. I needed help getting off the couch and I couldn't walk farther than a few blocks by the 8th month of pregnancy. I was basically useless.

All of this, and I had an easy, trouble free pregnancy. High blood pressure is a danger sign during gestation and my blood pressure never went over 110/75. My feet and hands never got swollen. I didn't have any liver problems or early labor signs. I had it easy! I have friends who were put on bed rest for 3 months. 3 months in bed! I can't imagine the boredom that must ensue.

In my last few weeks of pregnancy I lay on the couch and watched the entire series of "Sopranos" and "Six Feet Under". My boyfriend - bless his heart - waited on me hand and foot. If it wasn't for him, I couldn't have done this on my own (literally!). I can't imagine being pregnant, giving birth and recovering with a newborn without indoor plumbing, call me Paris Hilton, but the modern conveniences of western culture are an essential luxury at times like these. I salute all women who have gone through pregnancy and childbirth - it's a hell of an initiation.

Suffering is the first noble truth of Buddhism. Life is hard, the body is fragile, pain is inevitable.. I've been likening pregnancy to a rehearsal for the dying process - an increasingly confusing relationship to one's body, constant discomfort, extreme pain, a catharsis and then a release to a whole new level of being. This analogy of death and birth feels right to me because I'm a) a scorpio b) a former Hospice volunteer c) a buddhist. When asked about death, a famous Zen master said that he's not worried about it - he practices dying every day in meditation. That's how I feel about pregnancy - I was practicing dying. And when the labor pains hit, I KNEW I was dying..

-Danger Angel

Read Danger Angel's Fourth Trimester

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Musings

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."
- Margaret Fuller

"It's so clear that you have to cherish everyone. I think that's what I get from these older black women, that every soul is to be cherished, that every flower is to bloom."
- Alice Walker

"My religion is very simple - my religion is kindness."
- Dalai Lama

"Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, Grow.'"
- The Talmud

Inspiration

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by Zen DeBrücke, author of "Power Manifestation"

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