The Second Trimester
by Danger Angel

photo by Jude Mooney

The hormonal changes were strange and inexplicable - my ears itched, the pressure in my head would change for no reason, my nails and hair grew alarmingly, my legs wanted to run a marathon, but my lung capacity decreased. I stopped asking my OB/GYN about these problems - she would just shrug. Weird things happen when you're pregnant.

The most shocking thing that happened was that I discovered I was OLD. Yes, I am past my childbearing prime. When I got the test back positive they told me "Since you'll be 35 at the time of delivery, we recommend these extra genetic tests." I never thought of myself as old - I started getting gray hair at 22, so that wasn't a reliable indicator. Despite having been married (starter marriage 10 years ago) and I once made big bucks in management, I've never owned a house, or bought a new car - I certainly had never thought of myself as "mature". Apparently my uterus and ovaries had matured without me.

So I had the tests - and the growing fetus passed with flying colors. I already knew I was carrying a boy - I just knew - but it was gratifying to hear that I was right. My boyfriend asked to be told what sex it was by the genetic counselor first - so I handed him the phone and they said, "Well there's an X and a Y - do you know what that means?" He replied that he should go and buy blue paint.

My boyfriend and I came out of the closet as prospective parents and started telling our friends and family that we were creating a hybrid. They tell you not to go public with your pregnancy until after the first trimester just in case the pregnancy doesn't "stick". I can see that hopeful couples could be devastated by a miscarriage because after committing myself to this path, every little pain in my abdomen was cause for alarm. I became petrified that I would lose the baby I had been contemplating aborting a few months before. Fickle woman.

The name game started - my boyfriend would spend hours rattling off names - both absurd and banal. Alfred. Xavier. Domino. Hanging Chad. Sasquatch. Spiderback. Justice. Chuckles. We discovered the Random Name Generator online www.behindthename.com and spent hours giggling at the names it came up with. I asked one of my Tibetan masters what he thought I should name him. "Dorje Scorpion" he said. Well. maybe that can be his spiritual name. Our constant reminder was that kids can be cruel - so anything too weird will be twisted for teasing. However - my boyfriend and I have honor of having the NUMBER ONE names for the last 30 years of American babies - so we wanted something out of the ordinary. One of my psychic friends finally told me "You'll know what his name is when you see him." I hope so - otherwise he'll be named Hanging Chad or Spiderback.

From my perspective I gained all my pregnancy weight in one month - suddenly none of my clothing fit. I had a nightmare early in pregnancy about going into a store and finding only flowered maternity wear. I woke up in a cold sweat. Luckily my mother found me some black maternity jeans and a bunch of black shirts. Maternity clothes are horrible unless you want to look like a floral tent - and all maternity clothing that has a waistband that goes OVER your growing stomach had to be designed by a man. My boyfriend started calling the baby "Crease" because of the permanent dent on my midriff from badly designed maternity clothing. He started a new political movement called "Free the Belly" and would shout it when he thought I was wearing restrictive clothing and had to submit to a belly check.

When the baby started to kick on a regular basis, the stomach scene from Alien replayed in my head relentlessly. That movie changed pregnancy forever. Don't see it if you plan on procreating - it's just not the image you want lodged in your head while feeling the new life inside you. Don't see Rosemary's Baby either. Or Sophie's Choice. But one should eat piles of food and have lots of sex during the second trimester, because the third trimester will be here before you know it. a time when water gives you heartburn and you can't even roll over on your own. It's the miracle of life!

-Danger Angel

Read Danger Angel's Third Trimester

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