Knowing you see not with just your eyes but with your soul, I came to you seeking wisdom. Looking within me, you saw the shielded heart; that which closed down so long ago, that which needed to be protected from the seemingly harsh world of man. Through your eyes, dear teacher, you saw how this shield blocked my heart from the light. So, the journey within began, the journey into the dark side of my being. Yet, now equipped with the light you gave me, I believe I can make it much further than last I traveled this path. Yet fear not I, for I have grown strong, and what I sought from you, you gave.golden keys to unlock the dungeon gates which will allow me to cross to the other side, yet with the warning, watch out for doubt. So, I pray.

"Oh Rachael, Archangel, protect and walk beside me, keep my mind and heart free from intrusion of the doubting self."

To enter into the dark reaches of the self, first I must cross that which bars the soul--a dark force that has enveloped the entrance, clouding it from sight, so it thinks. Yet I travel not alone, and my companions see that which I do not, and I welcome the spiritual warriors, the Kabbalists and Shaman. Quietly, we approach. Can you hear the creaking of the gate? Can you see the moss fall from the hinges, as the gate slowly opens? Look! See the light that beams forth from the opening! I know if, only if, I can turn this shield around, that it is really a mirror reflecting the light that is within me. Yet I hear my teacher's voice to remain mindful: "Remember the source of the light, and do not become blinded thinking the light you, for you are of it and it flows through you."

This shield that guards the heart is painful to touch and to hold it open will call for great strength, which will come, in time. But for now I barely slip inside before the gate closes, leaving me enveloped by the darkness. I light a match and place it to the wick of a candle you gave me. This candle is called Ego.

Aries is my moon; it is the part that throws fits when it does not get its way. The eternal child, yet the worrier, it is the part that sought out this adventure. It is the part that said, "Oh, look what we can do! Follow me and I'll make you the greatest being to walk on earth." Yet when the gate would not stay open, the ego was the first to fall. If I am anything, I am my ego. If I attach myself to a dream or vision, and think that it is mine, I am my ego. When I walk into a room and think that I am separate, somehow different from those around me, I am my ego, for there is no true separation, only the desire to be seen as an "I". "I am", that is what Aries says. "I am first and foremost. I see the vision; therefore, it must be mine and I must protect it."

Ego is not something we concur, disown or cast out, for without it we have little motivation to create. The flip side of the Aries child is the warrior. This warrior has the power to fiercely defend what it claims as its own, and this warrior has the ability to access and direct energy towards the manifestation of new ideas. It is the sapling, the tender blade of grass that cuts through the frozen ground of winter to emerge triumphantly into the sunshine of spring, arriving with an "Ah ha! Look at me; I have arrived!" Yet warrior, remember always your feet, and earth upon which you walk, for she is your mother, your lover and wife; the source of your power. She is what you are sworn to protect, and as long as you remember her, your energy will be directed towards the good. In this way, the ego (Aries) becomes an ally in creation.

The path before us twists and turns, and soon the candle of Ego burns low. Who will rise to the occasion to lead us forth? Who is brave enough to enter the dark unknown? A second candle is lit that is called judgment, as my rising sign, Virgo, steps up to judge the situation. "I think we ought to turn around," she says with authority. "It is obvious that we have made the wrong choice, for we are too few in number and might to fight the demons below. Besides, I don't really like being here anyway, being who we are. There must be someplace better for us," she says, eyeing Ego.

"Better, yes, I agree. I like being 'better than,' Ego responds. And in that moment, Judgment and Ego created an inseparable bond in their desire to rise above.

"OK," says the Capricorn, who until this point had been quiet, yet secretly planning the success of the trip. Oh, she can see the grandeur of what they will accomplish. For she sits on the high mountaintop, looking around to see who is coming and going. She knows the flow of the universe and is comfortable existing at high altitudes. Besides, she likes to be close to the source of creation. However, this conversation is looking like failure to her and quickly bringing her down, and landslides, as she knows, are not fun, for they take you deep into a bottomless pit called depression.

You see, this Capricorn knows the secret of depression. She has traveled that road many times. High she climbs, into the mists of the mountaintops, always seeking higher ground, always drawn to the source of power. Her keen mind drinks in the sights and sounds, hungry for more, full of desire. Sometimes she travels too high and the landslide brings her down. The landslide of broken dreams and visions, coupled with a jolt to the nervous system, disconnects her from source and plummets her hard into hell fires of depression. Capricorn is the true bipolar; for she will go down just as far she will go up. Fluctuating between heaven and hell she has the ability to bring forth messages from both sides, if she survives that is, the landslide. The trick to her survival is to learn to walk in the green pastures of middle earth and occasionally raise up to grab a vision and bring it to the people as inspiration. She also watches for others who begin to descend into the depths below, and offers them a way out. To her it's easy; it's just a mater of discipline.

So it is that Capricorn takes lead of the party and lights her candle. "Listen'" she says, and quickly reminds them of the purposed of this journey and with her grand mind she takes them all to the top of the mountain giving them the vision and reason to come together.

"Oh, I get it!" says Aries "Let's get going."

Virgo sits down on a rock, "Ok, if we're going to do this we might as well do it right." And she carefully draws out the details of the journey.

Capricorn raises her powerful head and turns towards the path from which they came. She will lead them into the darkness because she knows the way and is no longer afraid. In a moment of reflection, she remembers her teacher's words: "You only have a short time," he said, "or you will be stuck even more then you are now." She laughs, kicking up her heels, calling to the others to follow. "We're closer then we think." Her eyes gleam, inspiring them to follow.

So the story goes, as the three travel together on a mission to find the key that will unlock the door to the heart for good. For once the key is found and the door is opened, the shield will be let down, allowing love to pour forth in brilliant light.

Inspired by a reading from Eliyahu at the Kabbala center LA

Written by Kristi Langerak

February, 2003