We're just a group of pretty ordinary people. A couple of us are teachers, several ministers, two farmers, one doctor, an accountant/massage therapist, several retired, and several other full-time peace activists. There are fifteen of us in this delegation to Iraq-eight men and seven women ranging in ages from 25 to 76 coming from the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and the Netherlands. As I write this now at the end of our two-week stay, I'm recognizing a desire to communicate my impression that really anyone could do this as long as he/she is healthy and has the ability to get away from home for a period of time.

Life goes on here in Iraq even though the threat of war is always in the background of one's consciousness. Our lives as internationals are actually very comfortable while we are here, in contrast to the lives of the Iraqi people we meet who have been subject to dreadful conditions created by the sanctions that have been in place for more than a decade. Here, I attempt to tell the story of this delegation's time in Iraq by bringing to life my personal experience.

The adventure began for me in mid-January when the Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) office announced the dates for this particular delegation. Besides the threat of war breaking out while we were here, all of us from the US needed to accept the potential consequences of breaking US law, but in all the years Voices in the Wilderness has been sending delegations to Iraq only a few smallish fines (compared to the million dollar threatened) have been administered. During the summer of 2002 CPT joined Voices in the Wilderness to create Iraq Peace Teams (IPT) who maintains an office in a hotel in Baghdad that supports CPT and other peace activists and delegations. I was part of the fourth delegation CPT has sent since October, 2002. There are other groups of American and international peace activists represented here in Iraq as well, but one distinguishing feature of a CPT delegation is the commitment to gather briefly for spiritual practice every day.

The CPT office in Chicago provides an excellent structure of support to the individual who decides to join a delegation. I filled out an application and my references were checked. Then Claire Evans (at the office) purchased the plane tickets, made visa arrangements and sent a packet of information that included a list of things to bring, background information about Iraq, information about CPT, and reports from earlier delegations. Claire was also readily available and more than willing to answer questions via phone. Because of the threat of war being imminent, she suggested that we all communicate our statement of intentions (our reasons for going to Iraq at this time) to our loved ones. I stated that I came to Iraq to demonstrate my strong belief that the lives of the Iraqi people are just as sacred, precious and important as my own; to let the Iraqi people know that not all Americans are represented by our president; to carry the prayers and blessings of many people who may have liked to but couldn't get away to do this themselves; to witness and report real life stories of real life people to media back home; to face fears and in so doing to transform to some extent the power that fears have over me so that I can be more effective in my peace activism or whatever other endeavor(s) I'm called to pursue; to inspire others to take actions to stop the war in Iraq in their own ways; and through all of this to contribute in a powerful way to the larger goal of peace on earth.

I flew from San Francisco to London where at the gate for the flight to Amman, Jordan I found several other delegates wearing their bright red CPT hats. When we arrived in Jordan, we were fortunate that two members of our delegation who had already had experience on earlier delegations-Peggy and Cliff-were there to meet us at the airport and show us around Amman. (Now from our delegation, there will be three others also staying on in Baghdad with Peggy and Cliff to provide a strong support team for future CPT delegations.) We had to take a lay-over day in Amman while we waited for word from Baghdad about our visas. That day we began getting to know each other and visited our respective embassies to let them know that we were on our way to Iraq and why we were going. Both the Canadian and British embassies provided a warm reception and expressed concern for the safety of their delegates. The official at the US embassy gave a lengthy account of our government's position, but in our conversation with him, he expressed his humanity and very mixed feelings about the war in Iraq. That evening, we also met as a group and following the CPT guidelines divided up roles and tasks that we could each take on in order for the team to function efficiently.

Travel from Amman to Baghdad the next day took 15 hours all together. We spent three and a half hours at the borders-leaving Jordan and then entering Iraq. At the Iraqi border, we were welcomed into a warm and comfortable reception area where we were offered tea. Apparently, they didn't have enough tea glasses, so as one person finished hers/his, the men who were serving us would quickly whisk the glass away, wash it, refill it and bring it out on an elegant tray to serve the next person. They chatted with us while our electronic equipment was checked. Those who could speak English spoke fondly of their country and the city of Baghdad.

Our first day in Baghdad may have been the most emotional day for me. We visited the Amariya Shelter. This shelter is in a residential neighborhood where it was meant to house women, children, and elderly men providing safety from the horrors of war. During the Gulf War, America dropped two bombs on it. The first bomb blew through the two-meter thick reinforced ceiling and went on down to blow through the floor which was the ceiling of the floor below. The second bomb was a different type. It incinerated everything inside the shelter. 408 people died. Fourteen were saved because they were sleeping close enough to the door that the force of the blast blew their bodies out the door of the shelter. We could see the imprints of people burned into the floor and walls. It was quite apparent that this was not an accident. I wept when I thought about the horror of what my country has done in my name and the thought that we may be about to do it again and even worse is totally unfathomable to me. Our guide who lives in the neighborhood said that as far as she knew the Iraqi people will not go to any of the other 33 bomb shelters that are in the city, because now they believe that it will be safer to stay in their homes.

In the group meeting that evening, besides the decision making that needed to take place, we named "what if" scenarios such as: what if bombs start to fall while we are together here, what if someone wants to leave before the rest of the group is set to leave, what if someone is taken hostage? We also heard the distressing news that Powell had made a very pro-war speech. I went to bed feeling quite stirred up that night, to say the least.

I was part of a committee who met over breakfast to discuss our disaster plan for responding to the "what if" stories we raised above. Later that afternoon we had a first aid briefing presented by a seasoned IPT delegate who is also a war veteran. These preparations helped to ease my fears. I think they also gave all of us an experiential glimpse at what it would be like to be an Iraqi living with the threat of bombing hanging over us all the time. Yet one big difference between the Iraqis and us is that we are here by choice. For them, this is their life.

Life goes on for the Iraqi people. Streets are busy with crowds of old worn out cars moving as quickly as they can while beeping horns to let each other know where they are and an occasional donkey-drawn cart. Shop-lined sidewalks are full of shoeshine boys and other vendors, men hanging out and socializing, and people running errands. When Iraqis pass us if they know why we're here (and sometimes even when they don't), they put their hands over their hearts in expression of appreciation. Children play football (soccer) in quiet residential streets. Many women stay inside their homes keeping them spotless and cooking meals for families and guests. During the weekly sacred day that begins Thursday evening and goes through Friday, there are many weddings each announced with a chorus of honking horns. The threat of war is not so apparent in these activities. Yet when we spend a little time talking to the people, we hear that the sanctions are more dreadful than the threat of war-"killing us slowly." They live one day to the next as our hotel receptionist said, "waiting, just waiting. What else can you do?" The woman at the NGO called CARE described the situation that when a mother is already struggling to keep her family alive, it's too difficult to even think about what she will do in the case of war.

The Iraqi dinar (unit of currency) has decreased in value so much due to the sanctions (what was once worth $750, is now worth 12.5 cents) that many teachers, doctors, nurses, etc. have had to quit their jobs. One woman who was visited by some of the delegation used to be a teacher until her salary got as low as $5 a month. She is now doing a day job that pays better than teaching as well as painting pictures in the evenings and selling these for further income. The woman at CARE spoke of another teacher she knew who had no furniture in his house, wore second hand clothes that he had bought on credit and still hasn't been able to pay off, and had to take his oldest daughter out of school because he couldn't buy her school clothes.

We've had opportunities to visit families in their homes here in Baghdad, we spent a day with our government minder's farm family, we've visited church people in their churches, and a doctor in his hospital. In all of our encounters we have been welcomed into the houses or offices of the people and treated with tea at the least and full meals in some cases. The Iraqi people are loving, warm, friendly and most generous with gracious hospitality. We spend a few hours with one family and the woman of the house gives the women in the group a big hug and kisses on both cheeks when we leave. Cameren-the hotel clerk-made a special trip back to the hotel just to say good-bye to us during his days off, because he knew we were to be leaving the next morning. During this farewell conversation, when someone asked if he had children, he said that he didn't have a wife. He said, "All of the earth community is my family. You are all my brothers and sisters."

Besides the glimpses of poverty we get every time we walk out on the street and the poor quality of the water (we foreigners don't drink water from the tap or eat raw veggies that have been washed in it), it was the hospital visit that brought the results of the sanctions most painfully into our awareness. The hospital was a children's hospital in Mosul, which is a city within the no-fly zone of the northern part of Iraq. This hospital was once known for the quality of its facility and care. Young children now lay suffering from serious illnesses that are effectively treatable and were in Iraq before the imposition of the sanctions. Drugs of choice are simply not available. Older treatments are sometimes used, but they are less effective and have more adverse side effects. Other changes are the loss of dialysis, the reduction in their ability to give blood transfusions (there are plenty of people to give blood, but no blood bags), and the serious shortage of nurses. We saw families tending their children with anxiety and grief in their eyes. Children were malnourished as well as not having the proper medications. Some will die. Others will be released with lasting damage. The one doctor who was there was excited to talk to Jane, who is a doctor on our delegation. He was obviously distressed-knowing what is needed to treat his patients, but being unable to do so. "What else can we do but try our best," he said. "In the end, we must trust in God."

Church visits were a significant part of this experience, especially for some of the delegates. We exchanged prayers and songs of peace. Also, Cor (one of our delegates) brought hundreds of personal letters of support from churches in the Netherlands to give to church officials here. We were saddened to witness the hopelessness of some of the church leaders because they felt so helpless about not being able to do anything to take care of their congregations. We were inspired that Cardinal Etchegary, the pope's "right hand man" came from the Vatican to give a mass at the cathedral here. Betty, who was present at this mass said that it seemed that it seemed to her that it was comforting to the Iraqi Catholics that this important leader was willing to come to them here.

We visited two ancient historical sites that were under renovation prior to 1991 when work ended due to the war and has not begun again due to the sanctions. Old Ninevah was 6000 years old and Hattra was built some 200 years before Christ. These treasures of ancient cultural roots hold many mysteries and wonders. What will become of them if there is a war?

During the second week of our stay in Baghdad, IPT planned daily actions that were designed to bring media attention hoping to encourage more people to get involved in the international protests that would be taking place Feb. 15-16. We set up a tent and banners across the street from the UN. We went out early each morning to greet the inspectors when they headed out for their day's work. There were media people there and interviews took place. We were blessed on Wednesday morning by one inspector who came marching across the street with a big "Thank you." He told us that our presence there was really helpful to their morale. Then he quickly marched back across the street. Later each day, we went to a public utility site-like an electrical power plant and a water treatment plant-where we hung banners that said: "BOMBING THIS SITE IS A WAR CRIME: Geneva Convention Article 54." Many media people from all over the world (London, China, Japan, Korea, France, Germany, etc.) showed up at these and many more interviews took place.

Electrical power and water treatment plants are extremely important to the infrastructure that supports the survival of the Iraqi people and both have suffered greatly in their functioning due to the sanctions. There are two six-million-dollar generators lying dormant at the electric power plant we visited because the Iraqis have not been able to get the software and other parts that are necessary to operate them. Francis Du Bois at the United Nations Development Program said that in 1990-1991, power plants generated 9000 megawatts of electricity and now they are only able to produce 4000 megawatts. The water system depends on electricity. The resulting poor water quality leads to epidemics and disease, which often are not treatable because of not enough drugs due to the sanctions.

The Muslim people were celebrating the Eid during this week when we were participating in daily protest actions. For them, this is a time to be feasting with their families. Yet, many of them (hotel workers, drivers, minders, etc.) were still available to serve us in their usual gracious way.

Remembering the story of Jonah when he passed through Ninevah and the people of the city fasted in repentance for the way they'd been living, many Iraqi Christians were fasting for three days this week. Several members of our delegation chose to fast in solidarity with the Iraqis and as repentance for our own complicity in violence and for the violence committed by the United States.

We concluded the delegation with a dinner together and a closing meeting for worship. We sang songs and told stories that inspired all of us to move into action. The ten of us who are returning home laid hands on the five who are staying and blessed them for their commitment to staying here in solidarity with the Iraqi people. Then the five did the same for the ten of us returning to our hometowns with many important stories to bring to our people. I am leaving with a renewed sense of possibility and the challenge, which I'd like to pass on: What does it take to stop a war?

Postscript: Because massive anti-war demonstrations were planned for Saturday, February 15 in cities around the world, we considered what we might do to be in solidarity with these gatherings even while traveling home. Seven of us held a silent prayer vigil in a busy corridor of Heathrow Airport (London) while displaying a large sign saying, "No War in Iraq". Several passers-by took photos, one woman joined the vigil, and several others expressed thanks or said, "Peace be with you." After the vigil, four of the delegation members proceeded to a restaurant for lunch, at which time seven police officers arrived to investigate a complaint that "there had been a demonstration with a banner". The conversation was amiable, although the officer in charge wanted to make sure the group knew that displaying such offensive banners can be grounds for arrest. One delegation member who was wearing a shirt that said, "War is not the answer" inquired as to whether or not his shirt would cause a similar response, and the police officer explained that, indeed, the shirt would be considered offensive by many and that he could be arrested if there was a complaint. After the police officers left the restaurant, a woman approached from another table and said, "Actually, I was quite thankful for what you were doing there. I almost joined your group."

Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) is a violence-reduction initiative of the Mennonites, Quakers, Church of the Brethren, other Christians as well as non-Christians seeking to promote nonviolent alternatives in places of conflict. The CPT delegation to Iraq includes Matthew Bailey-Dick (Waterloo, ON), John Barber (Deerfield Beach, FL), Mabel Brunk (Goshen, IN), Lynn Coultas (Havana, FL), Scott Diehl (Burlington, VT), Peggy Gish (Athens, OH), Maureen Jack (Fife, Scotland), Cor Keijzer (Leeuwarden, Netherlands), Cliff Kindy (North Manchester, IN), Scott Kerr (Downers Grove, IL), Lisa Martens (Winnipeg, MB), Bill Marx (Derby, NY), Jane Pritchard (Toronto, ON), Linda Sartor (Santa Rosa, CA), Betty Scholten (Mt. Ranier, MD).

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